Photo by Alexis Brown
July 2023
Chat Bench - June Conversation with Chris Gray: Social Awareness
“Social awareness” means acting in awareness of others and their social needs, while also being aware of one’s own self and needs.
Which leads, in turn, to the question: What are social needs?
Here’s a quick list: The need to be loved and to love in turn. To be affirmed and valued. To be recognized. To experience joy with others. To feel trust and know that we are trusted. To feel, at a fundamental level, that we count; that we are meaningfully included in our community.
For all of these experiences, mutuality and reciprocity are an essential ingredient.
Timebanking was designed to help generate social awareness. The five core values (assets, redefining work, reciprocity, community, respect) all point in that direction. Timebanks whose members’ actions align with the core values create and build it over time, no question.
That’s something to celebrate and treasure. But… there is more to think about. Applying the core values to our interactions with others, valuable as it may be, is just half the story.
So, what else do we need to take on board?
The Two Levels of Social Awareness
Social context. That’s the other critical part.
The sad, yet undeniable, fact is, in American society (and perhaps all societies) inequality in the levels of social awareness the people receive is rampant. Here in the USA, you are more likely to be affirmed, trusted and valued if you are White than if you are Brown or Black. That’s a well-documented social reality.
Are you male, female, or LGBQT? We know who the winners will be on that front.
So, yes, Timebanking helps us aim for social awareness with one another; but at the same time, our society is constantly locking people into roles where they experience being ignored, devalued, and diminished.
So the question that came up in our chat -on-a-bench was: What can we do about this social reality? Or, going further, what must we do?
Step one: we need to develop our own consciousness of this unequal social context. We need to see, consistently, with eyes wide open, how it constantly plays out in people’s lives.
And step two: we each must learn to deal with the discomfort that comes with taking action to create a more level playing field. It’s not easy. The barriers to understanding are many when social backgrounds and experiences differ.
How does one even know what is kind and thoughtful and responsive when real cultural differences are in play? How does one overcome distrust that has grown and metastasized across generations? It’s a lot to ask of people to push through the discomfort of feeling uncertain, lost, even fearful of the reactions that our stumbles might cause.
Shared conversations led by individuals of good will with experience and skill in talking across groups and creating a safe space for honest dialog is one way.
So how can we make that happen?
Stay tuned!
Note: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of TimeBanks.Org, TimeBanks, or Timebank members.