True Listening

Photo by Anja Bauermann

Our Chat-On-A-Bench conversations arise in the moment from what’s going on in the lives of those on the call. The conversations come into being as questions and thoughts and story-sharing. They may focus on timebanking directly – or not. Almost always, they relate to our communities, what it means for us to be in community, or to the issues arising in our society at large!  

Here’s our standard 5-part format for the TimeBanks.Org Chat-On-A-Bench:

• Hello to all, and introducing the TB.Org team.
• TImebanking’s 5 core values.*
• The first break-out session.  (Hello, and “What’s on your mind?”)
• Whole group sharing – whatever comes up from break-outs!
• A 2nd break-out if the energy leads in that direction.

* Assets, Redefining Work, Reciprocity, Community, Respect.

Our September Sharing

As people shared their conversations from the opening break-out session, some big themes came up. It soon became clear to us all how the five core values threaded through them all.  

The whole group sharing took up all our time – so no 2nd break-out this month.

Five big themes came forward in our whole-group discussion. We have highlighted one of them if you don’t have a lot of reading time – but urge you to read the other four if you have the time!

Highlighted Theme: True Listening & Building Trust in Community  

Theme: The importance of listening – especially face-to-face – so that we can better understand each other, our worries, our fears, our dreams, and come together to create a greater sense of well-being for all.

Shared Story: 

A small group of us community members sat outside a Jewish synagogue on Rosh Hashanah so the local congregation could hold their Rosh Hashanah (New Year) service in safety. 

We weren’t expecting problems, but there has been such a rise in Anti-Semitism that the Congregation has to be concerned. 

We sat outside the door to the Synagogue, so that if anyone came to disrupt the services, they would meet us first. We would talk with those people, find out what’s driving them, and call the police if necessary, but only if necessary. 

Our perspective is this: we do not want to divide the world into “good” people and “bad” people. There are people who have fears and thoughts that drive them to do bad things – and we believe that by listening with care and responding to those fears we increase the level of trust in our community and reduce the chance that harmful action will take place.    

Nothing untoward happened, but the members of the congregation let us know that it meant a lot to them to be able to relax, knowing we were outside, watching out for them, and ready to call the police if needed. They felt safe, and that felt good to us.

Other Conversation Themes

Theme 1:  New Ways to Meet People’s Needs? 

Question: As automation and artificial intelligence change our economy, what new ways can we create for people to sustain themselves?

Shared Ideas: We see timebanking as an important source of possibilities. New kinds of lotteries could be used to “share the wealth” more evenly.

Theme 2:  A Level Playing Field + True Listening. 

Shared Story:  Federal funding is driving a lot of action in our area to help with things like drug overdoses and young women who have been human trafficked – but it’s confusing and frustrating because everyone is going their own way. The professionals are following their own rules and protocols and they are not really listening to the community, and the community members involved have experienced trauma and understandably do not trust others. So how can we create an environment of mutually respectful listening where we can build the trust and understanding for us to come together and take action?

Theme 3: Connecting by Working Side by Side. 

Shared Thought: There is a uniquely powerful sense of connection that comes about when people work together to make something happen.

Shared Story: I have moved to another State and I can see that the culture here is way different. How to make new friends? I’m finding it hard. But a few days back, neighbors came out with rakes to rake up leaves and fruit that had dropped all over the front yards and sidewalk, so I picked up a rake as well and started working side-by-side with them, and soon we were talking together and connecting. It felt like a first step to a feeling of belonging. It felt good.

Theme 4: Using key words like “justice” and “respect” with care. 

Shared Thoughts:  We can use words like “respect” and “justice” in ways that drive us apart instead of bringing us together. “Respect” means valuing a person even if they don’t agree with you. But many people these days are using it to mean that the other person has to agree. And “justice” means fairness and playing by equal rules for all, but many people these days are using it to mean “revenge” for bad action. It’s so important to get these words used with care because used well, they can lead us towards a caring society where we thrive together.

Our conversation together again this month was so rich and meaningful. Thank you to all who came on the call!